The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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