I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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