dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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