So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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