...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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