you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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