no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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