I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
