All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
