OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
