That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
