Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We need to get me chipped asap
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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