My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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