I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm really busy with my period
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