i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
