He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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