i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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