mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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