i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
