Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
