M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
