So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
