Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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