My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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