whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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