After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
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I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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