i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
