So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
