wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
