Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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