We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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