She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
