just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
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He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
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The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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