Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
