Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
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I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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