you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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