I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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