i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
