i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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