I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
