I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
