Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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