My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
