You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
areolas are like halos for boobs.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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