Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
