So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
