I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
