i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
