I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
