He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
