hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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