I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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