please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
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No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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