I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
