people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
