So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
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i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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