Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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