hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
