I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
