i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Never let your siblings swipe right.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
